Something else that kinda bothers me is those pictures that show things like Kim Kardashian’s marriage being 72 days and “legal”, then showing Neil Patrick Harris and his partner of 9 years and showing how absurd it is that their marriage is “illegal.”
Not all gay, queer, trans* etc. people are in long-term committed relationships. They have the same relationship problems as everyone else. I feel like these pictures insinuate that gay, queer, and trans* people who aren’t in long-term committed relationships aren’t really worthy of marriage or aren’t contributing to the cause or aren’t doing their ‘job’ catering to straight people correctly.
I was reading reviews of Jaycee Dugard’s book the other day, and some reviews were talking about how inspiring it is that she could “forgive her captor” and blathering on about all this forgiveness stuff.
While it’s admirable that Jaycee has been able to do that, why is it that we prize forgiveness in victims? Why do we prize their ability to look at their captor and say “Hey, you did a terrible thing to me. You assaulted/raped/kidnapped me and/or stole my childhood/left me with PTSD or terrible memories/changed my life forever, but you know what, it’s okay. I forgive you.” ?
In my opinion a victim has every right to feel angry. To feel upset, hurt, confused, and angry at their abuser, to hate their abuser, and to me it seems perfectly normal that a victim would hate their abuser to the end of their days.
Where does this emphasis on ‘forgiveness’ come from? Is it because we (in the United States) live in a largely Christian country and Christianity prizes forgiveness of your enemy? So that even if you personally don’t forgive your enemies, watching someone else do it is somehow admirable to you. I’m genuinely curious.
I feel like some victims could feel ashamed of and guilty about their hatred for their captors, being that we so emphasize a victim’s ability to get over it and pull themselves back up by their bootstraps. In reality it takes a long time to get over any sort of assault, and it’s at the victim’s discretion when to forgive their abuser… which generally, I presume, also takes a long time. It’s normal. Hating your abuser shouldn’t be treated as an abnormal reaction.
Not to say that forgiving them is bad! I just don’t get why we as a society love those who forgive their abusers but are ambivalent towards those who hate their abusers. It’s like a subtle type of victim-shaming.
Men and women are misogynistic for different reasons: men to marginalize women, and women to ingratiate themselves with the men trying to marginalize them. Neither one is justifiable, but one is oppressive and the other is a (bad) strategy to deal with that oppression. One thus sees that if the men who are misogynists weren’t, the women who are misogynists wouldn’t have any reason to be. Ergo, exhorting women to stop being misogynists so that men will stop gets it precisely backwards.
at monash university in melbourne the women’s department had a bake sale and cupcakes were one dollar for men and eighty cents for women and seventy cents for trans* people to represent the wage gap and heaps of guys kicked off about it being sexist and that’s how i finally understood how hypocritical and ignorant men’s rights activism is
You know why some guys tend to lay off hitting on you after you’ve told them you have a boyfriend (whether or not you do)? Because of old notions that if a woman marries a man, she’s his property and property shouldn’t be stolen.
It’s kind of why saying “I have a boyfriend” works better than “I have a girlfriend” most of the time, because “I have a girlfriend” invites even more sexual remarks or pursuits (“Ooh, that’s hot,” “You sure I can’t change your mind?” “You don’t know what you’re missing!”)
You’re only off limits if you’re another man’s property.